if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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