I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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