Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
