Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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