I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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