Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
