Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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