im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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