thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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