It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
