i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
