How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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