I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
