There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
