i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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