this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
