don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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