Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
