she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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