so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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