so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
