How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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