Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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