I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
