I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Randomize
