After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
