Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
