I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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