he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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