i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
