Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
