I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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