Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
