No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
