well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
