Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
