my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
