I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
