Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
