Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
