how can u be prego again
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
