just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My penis needs a shock collar
My Sexting was not on an AP level
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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