im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
