3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
