Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
