4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
