Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
