I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
