Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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