The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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