well I can't set my house on fire every night
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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