I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
