I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
