The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my being single is dangerous.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
