is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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