So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm having to shit out rocks
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