Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
