Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How naked do you want me to be?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
