I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
