my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
