it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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