One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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